I went in to motherhood wearing rose coloured glasses and with very unrealistic expectations of what motherhood was.
I didn't intend to, in fact I did all I could to not go in to motherhood blinkered in this way. I booked an antenatal course with the NCT. I talked to friends and colleague who had children.
Did it help, no it make things worse, The NCT talked about me about natural births, with birth plans and little or no pain relief. Of breathing through the pain or breast feeding only and of reusable nappies. I came away thinking that yep that was how it was going to be and with a list of acquaintances who all felt the same.
It was the start of the way things were to be. Pick up any magazine and there was photographs of new Mommy's looking great, pushing Poppy or Daisy in the pram, glowing and back in their pre pregnancy clothes after a week.
There was talk of breast is best, but not only for the baby, but also for the new mum as it helps burn calories. There was no such thing as couldn't breastfeed, only wouldn't breastfeed.
So I set off on this incredible journey, not only with the wrong map, on the wrong form of transport, but also with the wrong fuel in the car too.
I would meet up with the mums from my antenatal class, only to find out "Jonny is sleeping through", "We have put Mia in her own room", "Formula is why Maxi isn't sleeping".
So I felt a failure, a total failure. My child wouldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep, I wasn't feeding him correctly, OMG I was pregnant again and Maxi would get no attention at all.
So The one thing I can offer to all mothers out there is that expectations, set them realistically. Talk to people that you trust to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Yes I wouldnt trade with of the boys for the world, but sleeplessness is a killer and sleeping though - yeah right. I was happy if we managed 6 hours! Being a parent changes everything, It intensifies everything - the good and the bad.
So for me I would have rather had honest answers and realistic expectations, the fall wouldn't have been so far or so hard if I had know just what parenting was like.